searching for the words to save me

On a by and gone Sunday I climb out of bed
To forget about the fights that we had last night
To wash my hair and paint over the chipped crack in my nail
And we all look so nice today in our best Sunday clothes
Pretending there’s nothing wrong
We all look so real as we put on our kindness and shine our shoes
To climb aboard the Pharisee train and go where good people go
But I’m blind to the hypocrisy
When this torn up old building is the one place where I can breath
The one place where I truly forget about the brokenness
I guess I’m just another Pharisee
The only thing we have in common is the pain
Of knowing we’ll never be the normal crisp-collar family
That the wounds go too deep to see on the surface
Our one comfort is in knowing that no one knows
Just how much goes on behind closed doors
Or how little those plaster-of-Paris smiles cost
At the corner store where we buy them every Saturday night
Unified only to hide that we are enemies

On a sleepless Monday morning
I drag myself to the class of rewritten history
Where we all agree not to pretend to smile
At the brilliant teacher who hasn’t got a clue
Cheating, lying, twisting words
To keep everyone else out of the game
Unified again by hatred
For this unholy hour, for the work, for the test we failed again
Just give us something to hate together
And we’ll have the will to fight
In this pointless loosing battle against reality
Because in truth
Kyle hates Chris
And Chris hates Kyle
Alex needs what Sarah has
Lucy snubs Katie for Oscar
Oscar snubs Camren for Julie
Julie tattled on Ben
Ben knows Krissy’s darkest secret
And Krissy doesn’t have a friend
The things that everyone pretends not to know
So we can keep on pretending

On a weary Tuesday morning
The games come to an abrupt halt
The audience is gone and authentic me sets in
But I hate who I see in the mirror
I can’t afford to keep my closet well stocked with smiles
Today I’ll have to go without
And search for the words to save me
To toss some poetic explanation through the crack in the door
But I’m not letting anyone in to see me as I am
In fact I’d really rather the fellow fakers just leave me alone
So I can wallow in my filth and take this day to re-coup
And yell and be yelled at
And cover the wrinkles that I created in the social atmosphere
With another layer of fasod
So we can go back to pretending next week

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Monotony defined
Words are all that save me as I seek to make a life
Constructing it from what I say
And making it what I want
To hope that you will love this image I’m portraying
Letting you see some raw emotion
To evoke your sympathy
And try to get a grasping hold of something
Before this world gets so big that I can’t find anyone I know
And I will be alone
Come Saturday