Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
I'm kind of tired of hearing about how everyone has value. What they fail to mention is that some people have more value than others, and everything depends on how you stack up compared to those around you. You can't avoid it; some people are smarter than others, or prettier, or more talented, or more athletic, and some people are all of these things. And of course this is all a problem because some people have none of these, and there is no place in this world for people like that.
Just try your best
Try everything you can
But people praise your virtues, and you get credit for improving yourself. Obviously it's a good thing to be smart or pretty or talented, but aren’t any of these terms relative? If someone tells me I am talented they really just mean I am more talented than most people. Tell me that and I feel good about myself, like I'm fulfilling some unspoken universal rule which states I must do something praiseworthy with my life. People will continue to praise me so long as I continue to be talented, as though the effort I am putting into making myself a more praiseworthy person is making me worthy of praise. But I have to wonder, if everyone put as much effort into being praiseworthy as they potentially could, would we even be able to co-exist anymore?
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
While you're away
Hey, you know they're all the same
You know your doing better on your own
So don't buy in
It seems like a mass quantity of our value comes from this comparison. There's a select few strutting around at the top being praised for making themselves praiseworthy and the rest of humanity just kind of exists in various tiers down to the bottom. What happened to them? It's as though they lost hope; just gave up. I've seen it happen to people that are very dear to me. After desperately trying to stack up to the praiseworthy eleits for a little while, they decided it was impossible and settled for living a mediocre life and letting out a dim glow rather than shinning to full potential, as if it's not worth shinning at all if we can't shine as brightly as THEM. What about everyone else? What about the high school drop-outs and the bums at the DOL place and the overworked stay at home moms, all of whom have stopped trying and stopped carring? If those praiseworthy eleits weren't there, how much differently would the rest of humanity live, I wonder?
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else
Why then do we try? There has got to be a better reason to shine then just trying to out-shine everyone else. A better reason to work towards being talented or smart or athletic than just trying to be praiseworthy. I believe in shinning to full potential, but that potential is going to be different for each person so there has got to be a reason intrinsic to just being the best that you can be, having nothing to do with where other people are. If everybody did this, instead of hiding in shadows, there would be no such thing as a social outcast. We could all just love each other because we'd be so unique and interesting and secure in our own skin, not for anything praiseworthy about us. And we'd work hard to be as talented and smart and pretty and everything that we can be just because…
Why? What motivates you? What reason do you give for striving to succeed? I don't want to try just so I can keep up with my peers or outshine the public schoolers.
It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right
All right
22 comments:
it's funny, it sounds like you just read "searching for god knows what" or something like that. coincidence? i think not.
i definitely agree with everything you said.
those people have value. who knows what they've had to fight through to even exist, to even live the way they are living. they have been prodded and picked on and criticized and they have no idea how strong they could be.
how amazing it would be if they could go to somewhere like a church and feel accepted and loved no matter what.
jesus went straight to the margins, the "church of the losers, the sinners, the dropouts, the failures, and the fools" as jonathan foreman put it.
i don't think god compares us to each other either, or ranks us on some good christian okay christian scale.
i think donald is definitely right....it is a product of the fall, people started comparing themselves to each other and trying to feel accepted and loved by what other people tell them.
i'll write more later.
here's one thought from 1 corinthians 10, the message version
I'm not going to walk around on eggshells worrying about what small-minded people might say; I'm going to stride free and easy, knowing what our large-minded Master has already said. If I eat what is served to me, grateful to God for what is on the table, how can I worry about what someone will say? I thanked God for it and he blessed it! So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you - you're eating to God's glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory.
Actually I first wrote this post before I ever heard of Donald Miller. I just never posted it.
Though in retrospect, I probubly should have liked that book more than I did, he perfectly summed up my thoughts on the question. He just took the answer in a different direction than what I was searching for... I agree totally that God is the solution and this is the result of the fall, but what about now, today, what should motivate me to strive for excelence?
And what do we do with those that have been picked on and criticized to show them their potential and to make them shoot for it? Arn't our own efforts to better ourselves just going to make life worse for them?
Comparing ourselves to each other is a sore comparison to who we should be comparing ourselves to. We should be comparing ourselves to God: and in turn shows us just how bad we really are. Comparing ourselves to each other is like comparing rotten apples to rotten grapes - neither one is any better, they're both just as rotten as the other. We should be motivated to be like God, to reach for heaven by being like Christ.
"And what do we do with those that have been picked on and criticized to show them their potential and to make them shoot for it? Aren't our own efforts to better ourselves just going to make life worse for them?" Love them. Accept them. Show them Christ. In time I think they will heal. In time I think they will have the confidence to shoot for it. God will heal the wounded, just let Him in.
I agree, we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to the "greater" people in the world, we should compare ourselves to God and strive to be as He is. Really, every one has a talent and a way to shine. Once a person figures out what it is they're good at, they shoud do their best to use their talent to bring glory to God.
Wow Emily,
that is a great post. Coincidentally, I have been thinking along those same lines lately. Although you wrote it much better than I ever could express myself.
And now I have to think about it, Why should we shine? I think it might have to do with God, and giving Him glory. Oh! Our lives should reflect Christ, and we if we do a good job (with God's help) than maybe people will wonder about how we are the way we are. Maybe it really does have to do with giving God glory. Just by being us, being the best we can be. ( not cheesily)
dangit. you figured out the lyrics to the chorus before me.
I'd just gotten it figured out he said "little girl in the middle" instead of a random blur of words.
that's my favoritesest song ever.
hmmm, sounds like the lifeboat to me. I personally would have thrown at the lawyer, all the way.
I hate this stupid lifeboat idea though. why in the world do we have to compare ourselves to others to survive?
Ahh, I caught the tail end of this discussion. But, very good. Every thing your guys said I agree with.
And bty, I am the most rotten apple in the bunch. I wish that I wasn't, but I am.
well i think our efforts to shine should never make them look bad.
i think of it in amazing runners like jeff and abdi, who can crank out a 4:35 mile and then stand there screaming at me, who's only running a 5:10, to finish, and then wrap me up in a big bear hug and get very excited about how great i was. they do the same for people finishing in a 7:00 mile.
the only reason the margin-people would get discouraged is if they kept comparing themselves to you, which is somewhat redundant, isn't it? hm.
i want to say you should strive for excellence so you can shine for the glory of god, but that sounds really trite and i want to say it in a better way. but there's some inconsistency there. rather confusing....
oh mnm, this just comes down to everything our life is about: living out our full potential of what God has given us, just to glorify Him! God is the solution, yes the end result, but He's also the cure, the pill we need to be taking while we're sick.
And at the same time we're living out our full potential for God, we need to be encouraging as Christians and as fellow children of God to the other "dropouts and losers, the sinners, the failures, and fools." (that's soooo weird Sam I just made that my e-mail signature!!! now I have to send you an email lol)
Lucy...stop comparing yourself to the rest of the apples! You're just as rotten as everyone else, and also just as beautiful in God's eyes.
ok, so I think I'm pretty good at piano (I'll take this moment to say that I'm better than some, worse than some *coughsamcough* just so I don't come accross as conceited or anything.) So I should strive to be as good as I can since this is a talent God has given me, and to use this talent for Him, and at the same time I should be encouraging and loving others and helping them realize their full potential as far as I am able to help them. It's something I've seen in my good piano teachers so far: a real and true desire to help me be as good as I can be, even if it means sacrifice on their part, or even if it means they shouldn't be my teacher anymore. They have all loved me and taught me and made me want to be better. That's why it's truly the teacher who makes the student. and so it's really us who have "talent" according to the world who will help those who "don't" again according to the world. We know our worth in Christ, and that's why we have to love those who are told they are worthless and haven't met Christ yet.
as for why we should strive to make ourselves better - glorifying God should be more than enough reason for that. no Sam, doesn't sound trite. God is totally worthy of being glorified and that's all He's asking us to do with our talents for Him.
Well Anna, I'm currenly eating taffy provided by a lawer, so I'm very much against throwing him out of the lifeboat.
Which actually brings up an interesting point, if you think about it.
Very good thoughts everyone. I pretty much agree with all you've said, but I don't think I'm articulating my question very well.
I know that God is the only possible answer, the only thing that can redeem us from the lifeboat and make us valuable.
But I'm just saying, it seems kind of trite to look at human beings who have nothing and no one and say, oh, you don't need human love, God is enough for you. Because while I know that God is ultimately the source of my value and security, I also know that I flock around people who are smart and talented etc, and it feels pretty cool when people love me for the same reasons. It's natural to praise people for their good qualities; it's RIGHT even. So what then, are we going to deny the less-talented people the right of being loved as much as talented people just on the grounds that God should be enough for them?
Well no, we can love them out of charity. But that only goes so far. Nobody wants to be loved out of charity. They want to be loved because we actually find them loveable. Everybody needs to know they are loveable. Being loved by a God who can do anything and love anybody doesn't help with this... although that sounds like an awful thing to say. Therein lies the question.
Okay, I guess it's really a personal question. Why would anybody love me when they could love somebody who's prettier and smarter and more talented and less confusing (lol)? I mean, I don't say that in a pathetic way, because the fact is I feel very very well loved and secure and appriciated and even needed, but I don't understand WHY.
why I AM well loved and appriciated and needed, that is, not why I feel that way. :-)
Don't love me, I'm so imperfect... love her over there and you'll be so much validated in your affections. It doesn't make any since. There has got to be a reason to love me that's not based on anything about me, and a reason to improve myself that is not based on trying to make myself more loveable.
Oh Em! You have just said every thing that I have been feeling for longer than I can remember. I don't think I have an answer, even if I did I don't think it would help. Thank you so much for putting it into words, I think I know what it is I'm feeling now.
Love you!
though I don't think I made ANY sense about it. lol (still, making no sense)
lol, so does this make you, Verya and I tripplets?
I'm so glad you have a blog, Lindy. :-)
we are of the same mind Em. :~)
hahahahahaha. emily, you cracked me up with that follow up comment.
your questions...i don't know.
i think unconditional love is a mystery i, we, may never understand.
but i think (tentatively here) when you love more, and let in a little more love, and become kinder and more honest and listen better and etc, whatever all of us are working on, i think when you do those things you become more loveable, not out of a motive of trying to get people to like you. but i believe those are things god wants us to be, "christ plays in ten thousand places" as the poet says, shine through each of our imperfect bodies.
does that make any more sense?
or am i continuing to answer different questions than you're asking.
lol.
My pastor once was talking to me...actually about you guys lol. No, you don't know him, we were talking about why we are such good friends with other people. And he said, you are such a good friend with someone first of all (and this sounds horrible but bear with me) for your own personal benefit. You like that person because you like the way you feel when you're with them. and I don't think anyone will argue this, that's where it starts. this isn't necessarily bad, it's only bad if you are in a friendship for what you can get out of it alone, not helping the other person too.
So I think we all know that unconditional love is impossible for us humans. all we can do, and really what our job is, is to try to be like our Creator, and love others not for their talents, but because God loves them. And unconditional love is contagious...once we try our best to do it to others, they WILL see something different!
Verya, you're a shining light that brightens up a room that we thought was already light. That is such a good point, and a wonderful perspective.
Love you! And you and you and you...
Thanks Kacy.
I never really thought about why have friends and why they like me. Probably because when I was younger, my family moved around a lot and where ever we moved I could never seem to find friends. I'll expand on that feeling later. I'm sorry, I'm not contributing much to the discussion. Only have some sob story about myself to say.
lol, sorry, I didn't mean to steer this into unconditional love again.
I mean, I've kind of accepted that as mystery. And we already spent like two weeks talking about it on my second-to-last post, lol.
It's just left me with the question of okay, why then should we shine? if unconditional love is so perfect, and so everything you need, then why are we constantly being pushed to be better, better, better, and always if not better than then at least in comparison to everyone else?
lol, okay sorry, I'll stop now. There is something big missing, that I guess I may never find, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing that was meant to remain a mystery.
Kacy, that is a brilliant thought. Thanks for sharring!
second-to-last is penultimate, just in case you wanted to know.
isn't that a cool word? penultimate, penultimate...kinda like pendulum.
I should put that in my story.
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