Every step that you are taking
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Here I am. Right where I started, square one. Stuck in this circle of ambition as an end in and of its self, falling back to failure and new ambition. I've had enough of resolutions, they never mean anything and I never live up to any of them.
It occurs to me that I'm trying too hard to do this on my own. Or maybe even giving it up to God TOO much, if that's possible. I can't expect the change to be magical. I've got to work for it, and I need support and practical means to do that, too.
There is so much about me that I hate right now. I know that I'm living at minimum, but I've always got some excuse for that. It's always tomorrow that I'll start shinning. When am I going to catch up with tomorrow?
BUT, I’m ready to make the change from trying to doing. I think I need a concrete list of things to work on.
I just don't know what to put on that list. There's lots I want to change about myself but I think sometimes I'm working in the wrong direction. It really bothers me that NO ONE ever looks me in the eye and tells me where I'm going wrong. Cuz I go wrong all the time, and I always end up scrambling to catch myself after it's already too late. Look, you guys are my closest friends. Anna, Sam, Ryan, Bethany, Kacy, Caitlyn and BJ are the seven people I pray for every week- the people I live for. You know me best and see my faults more plainly than anyone else. Do you think, maybe, that it wouldn't be too much to ask for you to think on it for a while and email a few things I could work on? And keep me accountable to them? I'd really LOVE to get seven emails for this.
It's kind of a weird thing to ask, and a weird way to ask it, but I figure what the heck, no one reads this that’s not on that list anyway. I'm not saying it lightly and I'd really really appreciate it! Don't worry about hurting me, I want the truth and I'm at a place where I can handle it. I think it would be really healthy. I need it.
Think about it. Thanks so much, I love you guys!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
whisper them all aloud
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12 comments:
i'm writing such an email right now.
it's going to take me a while.
to think of anything you need to work on, not to type them all out, rotfl.
Nice save sam!
rotfl... thanks Sam!
that's funny, it sounded like you were already working on it when you read this post.
what a coinsidence, emily, i was just in the process of typing up an email detailing all of your faults!
rotfl.
Ouch! What do you have to say to that Sam?! JK LMNOP!
hey, no, that wasn't a burn...
wasn't intended to be, anyway.
ha-ha very funny.
I'll definitely think and pray about it for awhile too.
I don't think you can give anything up to God too much. it's true that you need to work towards making yourself more Christ-like, and shouldn't just say, "ok God, here's my life, now do your magic." :) But at the same time, giving God your life isn't just at the beginning, it's an ongoing process of change and renewal, and falling back and starting over again, but all the time relying on God. Maybe it's even giving Him more, giving Him everything, and realizing what resources you need to ask Him for (i.e. patience, stamina, peace, etc.) because once you're resting in Him, it won't be work, but a pleasure to serve Him by striving to become more like Him.
awww...you're so sweet Em J!
I know I'm just pulling your guys' chain!
hahahahahhaha that was good.
no, i just saw this post earlier in the day and started writing and writing during math class (that was bad) and then later on in the day i thought to leave a comment.
that made me laugh, though, ryan, you're hilarious sometimes.
But only sometime ;-)
Okay I'll write you an email, but really, either anything I have to say I have already mentioned, or I couldn't tell you anything I don't need to work on myself. : )
thanks beth!
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