Sorry for the barrage of posts, I really won’t be offended if you don’t read everything. I’m just bursting with thoughts this week.
But, lol, I was planning to come post about this when I stopped by Village Square and saw the Stephen Christian post. I just glanced at it and saw the word “individuality…” which is what I was intending to post about, so instead of reading it I decided to post here first and then go read it to see if it’s the same thing I was thinking. :-)
Consider this: The thing which makes us unique individuals is the lessons that God teaches us. Because we are called to live out loud. That’s what it means to be a Christian- to make our lives, not just our words, consistent. Sometimes I get so discouraged watching other people around me who are everything I want to be and more. Especially that and more part. We all ask the pivotal question at some time or another: “Now why would anyone, given the choice, love me when they could love that person?”
A lot of the time I just feel like a stumbling wannabe. A hitchhiker of dreams. Like I spend my whole life agreeing with people, and I agree so, so passionately, but I want to be the one to actually come up with the cool stuff at some point. I mean, there’s only so many ways to say “I agree!!!” before it just starts to get annoying.
But maybe it’s not exactly about what we put out, or what we say and do. Maybe our identity is more about what God puts in.
I'm my own unique individual because God is teaching me different things. And working in me in different ways. He put me in different situations, with different people, and my identity comes when I live out loud all those lessons that He is teaching me, Emily Watts, in His own unique way custom-made for me.
Do you agree? I’m not certain I’ve hit the nail on the head here, but I’m so much closer than I’ve ever been before. It's just that I've always struggled with "finding myself" or whatever, and I've heared that my identity should rest in God but didn't have any idea what that meant. Of course He can love me, God can do anything. But he does so much more than just that. He doesn't ask us to be cookie cutter people. And that's why I will never become a Buddhist. :-)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Try to keep a bird from singing after it's soared up in the sky
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3 comments:
to tell you the truth, emily, i still don't understand. =-)
i thought i'd throw this into the mix, though, it seemed to go along with the theme. from atlas shrugged:
"I did love you once," she said dully, but it wasn't what you wanted. I loved you for your courage, your ambition, your ability. But it wasn't real, any of it."
His lower lip swelled a little in a faint, contemptuous thrust. "What a shabby idea of love!" he said.
"Jim, what is it that you want to be loved for?"
"What a cheap shopkeeper's attitude!"
She did not speak; she looked at him, her eyes stretched by a silent question.
"To be loved for!" he said, his voice grating with mockery and righteousness. "So you think that love is a matter of mathematics, of exchange, of weighing and measuring, like a pound of butter on a grocery counter? I don't want to be loved for anything. I want to be loved for myself--not for anything I do or have or say or think. For myself--not for my body or mind or words or actions."
"But then....what isyourself?"
"If you loved me, you wouldn't ask it." His voice had a shrill note of nervousness, as if he were swaying dangerously between caution and some blindly heedless impulse. "You wouldn't ask. You'd know. You'd feel it. Why do you always try to tag and label everything? Can't you rise above those petty materialistic definitions? Don't you ever feel, just feel?
(now, on a few paragraphs, Jim talking again)
"Love is its own cause! Love is above causes and reasons. Love is blind. But you wouldn't be capable of it. You're a gold-digger of the spirit. You didn't marry me for my cash--but you married me for my ability or courage or whatever value is was that you set as the price of your love! Love is a gift--a great, free, unconditional gift that transcends and forgives everything. What's the generosity of loving a man for his virtues?"
so what then? i agree that real, Christ-like love is just-because love. you can't explain it, you can't give reasons, it's not based on anything; it just IS. but is it ever enough to just know that people love you? really?
real love isn't a matter of weighing and measuring, but the rest of life certainly seems to be. and i, for one, need to know how i measure up or i'll never be able to live with myself.
and i know that's pathetic and i even know the answer, but I can't make myself beleive it. i don't have this figured out either, i guess, i thought i did but i'm stuck running in circles again.
yes--that's exactly it.
like "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind," you have to just love and accept flaws and screwups. you can't just keep a running tab.
but, back to your point, it's like, yes, you're living out your purpose, which is totally different than anyone else's purpose.
remember, you're not up against a cosmic measure against everyone else who's ever lived, of how far can you get. your job is go with what you're given--how much can you do with that? how far can you reach?
i think.
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