I think I know what I want my one word to be: Passionate.
I know I will never be the kind of person that can just live life, I will always be analizying and seeking meaning in every little thing. And I want to live to the fullest extent possible, but I'm not really sure what exactly it means to be passionate. I know that I have very very strong feelings about things, but it's got to be more than that...
It's so frusterating when you have in your head the perfect way for things to turn out, and it all seems so close and simple, but no one else is cooperating with your little plan. I don't understand why people do things like break up or change churches or move to the other side of the world... well, I do understand, but I wish so much it didn't happen. God is constantly asking me to surrender my dreams and accept his will, and I'm constantly trying to take them back which only causes more trouble for myself.
I just want it to be perfect. My childhood best friend is getting married in eleven days and at weddings people always seem perfect, like everything in their lives is for one tiny second all lined up and in place. Unfortunutly it never stays that way, and I can't stop crying about that fact.
Heaven has got to be wonderful.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
you keep comming back disasembled and I keep loosing this fight...
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6 comments:
you know what I like about your posts Em? they follow each other. no matter what kind of chaos you describe, they are linear. one thought in one post leads to a new thought in the next post. it makes it a lot easier on your readers. :)
oh gosh, I know what you mean about everything being so confusing and depressing. a lot of friends from my old co-op are either engaged or already married, which is so weird to me. I mean, I was at these peoples' 16 birthday, and now they're moving out and getting married. it's ridiculous, and sometimes it's so hard when I'm just 17.
and some really close family friends of ours are splitting up too...it's one of the hardest things I think I've ever been through. I don't understand it. I keep thinking, it isn't supposed to be this way. but this is the way it is, and I have to trust God through it. it's just....so hard sometimes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think I know how you feel.
I looked up passion in the dictionary. This was my favorite interpretation: "a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything"
I think you have passion Em. :)
Aw, thanks Lindy! It makes me happy that you see me that way.
And thanks to you too Verya, I never noticed that about my posts but I guess that's kind of true. Are these friends of yours married? That would make it 100X worse- this is just a dating couple I know. It's still kind of weird how much it brought me down, though, when I didn't even like the girl this friend of mine was dating. I just can't stand leaving things or people behind... it's a fault of mine.
no, I know what you mean - you and me both. change = bad. at least, in my head and my heart it's that way.
yes they've been married longer than my parents. :( but I know how it is with dating couples too. I know so many people right at my age who have lost good friendships because they tried dating and it didn't work out.
and it's quite awkward if you're in the middle and are friends with both, lol.
ok, I will stop being depressing. it's way too sunny outside to be depressed!
That's awful, I'm sorry! :-( Yeah, being in the middle is interesting- I've had plenty of experience with that too. I think twice I've had two people come to me seperatly and both say they wished they were still friends with the other person... and I was like, uh, guys, I have an idea! lol.
It is pretty out today! On the way here I put my arm out of the car window and it felt like I was in a boat dragging my hand in the water, that's how sunny and peaceful it felt. Mmmmm. Now everyone just needs to be done with school!
AMEN!!!!
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