The Duplicitus and the Dragon, Part I

Once upon a time...

No. I won't do it. I will not be clique in this story.

Yeah, this is the first part of the plot on that story I'm supposedly writing. I need opinions, and most of all, I need inspiration so I'll actualy get working on it. And somehow posting about it will give me inspiration.

So.

The story takes place in an imaginary land, set in a very unique time period somewhat like the industrial revolution in America (but with a midevil twist) Yeah, it's unique. The land (or world, which is a flat slab of rock floating in space, not a globe) is called Greenhome. Their world at first seems just like ours- no body beleives in elves or magic or unicorns or gobblins or any of that fairy tale nonsence.

Except for one big difference: Everyone ever born in Greenhome is born with a big old jewl embeded in the middle of their forheads. Ancient legends state that these jewles give people the ability to master magic, if they are trained in it. Most people don't beleive that anymore, but no one knows for sure because thousands of years ago the Kings of all the nations agreed that Donyantars (that's what the stones are called) were dangerous and therefore illegal. So from then on, baby's Donyantars were removed at birth, before they got very large or hard. Donyantars represent our moral standing before God, and a black Donyantar is rebellion to God, a Red is serivce to God, and no Donyantar at all is denial of God. (everything in this story is suposed to be aligorical)

So that's all background information. The story opens on the birth of Diego, a young pesent boy who's mother is wild and adventourous and generaly has a unhealthy reputation. Diego represents the typical human, dead in his sins. His parents don't remove his Donyantar like they are supposed to, so he grows up hidding it under hats and handkercheifs. It doesn't appear to give him any magical powers, but his mother remains hopefull.

At age eight, a twist of fortune lands Diego in the royal Castle, as Squire-in-training to the King himself. There he meets the Princess Danielle, who is only two years younger then himself and yet a perfect companion. He also becomes fast friends with her younger brother Nat, despite obvious differences in personality.

Diego then discovers a secret cave underneath the Castle. He shows Nat and Danielle, and then learns that Danielle also bears a Donyantar. This soon leads the young children to an ancient Donyantar master, who teaches them how to use the magic in their Donyantars and introduces them to a secret network of Donyantar bearers spiderworking accrost the country and even accrost the world.

This is startling, of course, because Diego thought all Donyantars were removed at birth. As it turned out, many did not agree with that ancient custom and had raised up a secret cult in rebellion. The headquarters for this cult was, you guessed it, the secret cave underneath the Castle.

The ancient magic master (who has yet to be named) informed Diego and Danielle (and Nat, who is in on this despite the fact that he does not personaly have a Donyantar) that this cult is now practicing in the arts of war, in hopes of massing together to defeat a vicious band of pirates who had recently become the dominant force and threat in Greenhome. Eager to be part of this noble cause, Diego and Danielle join the group secretly and swear Nat to silence. (by the way, Diego and Danielle both have Black Donyantars at this point, and so does every one else in the secret cult)

A year or two passes and Diego and Danielle train hard in the arts of magic. Soon they are well aquainted with it and able to join the younger children in every day practices. Then weird things start to happen.

Hoping to catch up with their peers, Diego and Danielle often drag Nat down into the cave to practice their magic in between group meetings. But a huge spiraling stair way plunging down a long shaft cut in the cave floor insites their curiousity, especialy when light and noise float up from deep below. They debate going down, but are strangely turned away at every attempt.

Then one day during their practices Diego, Danielle and Nat decend into the cave to find it thickly ocupied by giant bat-like creatures with scales. Screaming in rage, these creatures carry the children off down the stair way and through a wild maze of tunnels below, passing crushed bones and other such signs of evil along the way. They pass many rooms which are thickly inhabited by gobblins and monsters of every imaginable evil, and they spy many members from the secret group amongst them.

This wild ride comes to a final end in a dark dungon, where Danielle and Nat are chained and left. Diego is taken to a huge hall filled with feasting sailors and given as a hostage to the Pirate King.

While living a miserable existence in service to the pirate king, Diego figures out that the secret society he has joined is actualy in service to the very pirates they told Diego they were attempting to destroy. The society was preparing to take over the world and put it all at the Pirate King's feet. They plan to use the royal children, especialy Danielle, as puppets in their plot. Danielle and Nat also figure this out.

So Diego escapes, rescues the Prince and Princess, and they have a huge wild adventure as they try to get back to the Castle to warn of the aproaching danger. In the end, Danielle and Nat make it, but Diego is taken hostage again just as the Pirates set sail on some evil mission. They take Diego with them.

But then of coures Danielle isn't necessarily safe, because there are members of the secret society all over the Castle, in positions very trusted by the King.

And that's the end of part one. Cliff hanger. Hehehe. It's supposed to represent how we all start out sinners (with black donyantars or no donyantars at all), and we're serving the devil even if we're not aware of it. And it shows the obvious consequences of sin. But don't worry, our sinners will be saved and evil will be vanquished- somewhere in like part three. :-)
So tell me if there was anything confusing. No wait. Tell me which parts were confusing. And if you think I could make it better in any way.